We are in BIG trouble this time!

I received the following story in a forwarded email and laughed so hard that I had to pass it along.  As the mother of a mischievous boy I can relate.

Two little boys, ages 8 and 6, were excessively mischievous. 

They were always getting into trouble and their parents
knew if any mischief occurs in their town,
the two boys are probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town
had been successful in disciplining children,
so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

The mother sent the 6 year old in the morning,
with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice,
sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,
"Do you know where God is, son?"

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response,
sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone,
"Where is God?! 
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. 
The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger 
in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD?!"

The boy screamed & bolted from the room,
ran directly home & dove into his closet,
slamming the door behind him. 

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked,
"What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,
"We are in BIG trouble this time!"
"GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"

From The Forward Archives

God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for me."

Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do you want me to do?"

God said, "Go down into that valley."

Adam said, "What's a valley?"

God explained it to Him.

Then God said, "Cross the river."

Adam said, "What's a river?"

God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill...."

Adam said, "What is a hill?"

So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.

He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave."

Adam said, "What's a cave?"

After God explained, he said, "In the cave you will find a woman."

Adam said, "What's a woman?"

So God explained that to him, too.

Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce."

Adam said, "How do I do that?"

God first said (under his breath), "Geez....."

And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.

Then, in about five minutes, he was back.

God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"

And Adam said....

"What's a headache?

Italian Garden

An old, Italian man lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over... I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you,
Vinnie

*from an email forward

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.

He shook the jar lightly.

The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.

Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full.

The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things - God, family, children, health, friends, and favorite passions -- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else -- the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So...
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
Play another 18.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

"Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.

"I'm glad you asked".

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

**I came across this in my email archive the other day and thought that it was a nice way to think so I thought I would put it out there again for all to read and remember.

The Banana Test

There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals; a lion, a chimpanzee, a giraffe, and a squirrel, who pass by. They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree. Who do you guess will win? Your answer will reflect your personality. So think carefully...try and answer within 30 seconds. Got your answer? Now scroll down to see the analysis.









If your answer is:
Lion = you're not too bright.
Chimpanzee = you're a moron.
Giraffe = you're a complete idiot.
Squirrel = you're just hopelessly stupid.

A COCONUT TREE DOESN'T HAVE BANANAS!
Obviously you're stressed and overworked. You should take some time off and relax!

*from an email forward